Melancholy

To pass the time and avoid the impending doom of more finals work in order to graduate, I’ve been checking peace corps wiki and made several acquaintances (future peace corps volunteers) through facebook and the send off event in the city.

My placement officer said that I was nominated for a “pool of programs” and that the earliest I would leave would be July 6- the latest, mid August. I have no sense of exactly when or where I would be going. My lease ends May 31 or June 31-depending on if it is raining or the mental state of my landlord.

There is a great deal of finals work to be had and life, financial, and emotional obstacles to get through. While I wait, I notice here and there the little things I will miss. Besides those I love, I realize I will miss those things I take for granted:

running water, floss, a hot shower at my ready, a phone call after a friend or lover gets out of work,  spontaneous ice cream on hot days, sushi lunch specials, netflix, my fire escape looking out to the picturesque Brooklyn backyards on my street, dish soap, ceiling fans, office supplies, Wikipedia insomniac sessions, matzoh ball soup, window shopping, lottery scratch-offs, warm socks and pajamas out of the dryer, haircuts at my barber, the lady at the fruit stand where I get sliced mango and strawberries, the coffee counter people at Variety on Graham ave, german beer on draught at a bar, my library card, and others. I will add to the list in other posts.

This is not to say I’m not excited- I am. I have wanted this for so long and still do.

I know that I will be better for it. I’ll grow as a person and the people I help will appreciate it. I will make new friends and I look forward to keeping an open mind and learn from experience-not out of textbooks. But realistically, the gravity of this decision and this path of life should not be taken lightly. Two years is a long time. While college has passed by quickly, it was in New York- where one hour is a minute outside the five boroughs. Luxury fills the island and there is an abundance of activity.

I am trying to be patient and get what I need to done- a few long papers, Coalition for the Homeless hours clocked, and a few shorter assignments- just gotta push myself. But these tasks seem daunting when I have no idea what I’m doing. I realize others are in the same boat as me- but I’ve had so much instability in my life that I need a decision already.

There is no use speculating anymore. I would probably go anywhere except Uganda for some obvious reasons. But otherwise, almost every possible country on the shortlist would be fine with me. Benin, Mali, Madagascar, Liberia and Niger perhaps, Cape Verde, South Africa, Tanzania, Namibia maybe- but it should be French speaking- considering they’ve made me re-learn French.

Anyway, I need to go to bed but I will update soon. Check back later!

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